I guess I was expecting better.
Since our last endo appointment (3 months ago), I have really buckled down on C's mangagment. We've been more regimented in finger checks, site changes and carb counting. She even dealt with the aftermath of a flu bug for 3 weeks, not too long ago. She had so many low numbers in that time frame that I thought for sure it would affect the A1c result yesterday.
I feel a bit deflated. It's down. But only by .2. I know. It was so high back in December. Is it going in the right direction? Yes. But certainly not enough for me to celebrate.
The doc and I tweeked her settings just a smidge. We talked about all the parameters, again. I told her I wished she could see the whole picture...you know...what exactly she ate...when we gave her food with no correction...exercise...mood...the whole darn picture. We decided that's exactly what needs to happen, at least for a while.
So...I'll be writing it all down. I have to find a bigger better logbook to do all this. The plan is to do it intensely for a week and email in the info. Then we'll have a better idea of what to change.
Back in the beginning of the year, I posted about the shame and guilt I felt about this topic. I suppose I still feel it. And though I don't want my life to be run by guilt and shame, I do want to turn it into the driving force to help C "gain better control."
I will admit...we have not been as tight as we could have been regarding site changes, carb counting, saying "no" to the sweets. We have taken an aloof position at times. "Hey, it's a birthday party!" or "It's a holiday!" or "Hey, it's just one piece of chocolate!"
Our endo appointment said it all. I can't even bring myself to write down her A1c number. I'm ashamed. She's on the pump, for heaven's sake. I'm the grown-up. It falls on me. Please understand, I don't ever make her to feel it's her fault...but she could tell I was saddened by the number. I tried to explain about her A1c, at a 7 year old level. It was difficult. At times, I don't even understand it all myself. Our doctor is sweet and positive..but yet, underneath the sweetness, I could tell, she meant what she said. "Keep the site changes every 3 days"..."Measure food carefully"..."Let's up her basals AND boluses"..."Right now, it's up to you." Gulp. Okay, diabetes...it's war! It's a new day, a clean slate. Here's our chance to tighten up.
And...here's to all you type 1 parents out there...the challenge of diabetes is big, but the love for our kids is bigger.